my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
