It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize
