The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
