I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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