Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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