Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
