angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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