We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
