I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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