I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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