so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
