I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
