I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
