Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Those nachos came to me in a dream
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
