I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
