you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Randomize
