yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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