honey bunches of taint.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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