I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
The air taste purple.
Randomize
