can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
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