I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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