listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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