well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
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