I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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