no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
