I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize