I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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