Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
