I haven't been this sober since birth.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Randomize
