I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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