I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
