Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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