Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
