So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
