This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
