He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
