Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
