No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
