I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
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