Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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