Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
