shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
