dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
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