WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
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