I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
