dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Randomize