It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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