i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
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There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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