i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
