Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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