we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
