and you said cock pushups were impossible
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
