I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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