if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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