I met the friendliest cop last night
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize