So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
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