My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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