Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
