how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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