Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
You ate ashes out of my bong
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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