fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Drake has all the answers
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
