Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
