im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"