the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"