WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
These 21 People Are Related To Famous Celebrities
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever