My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
zippers are such a cool invention
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....