Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize