I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
