you guys were way drunker than both of me
what day is it and did you see me today?
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
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his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
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I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.