The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low