Texts From Last Night

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  (847): View more from Illinois

  we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.

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  (847): we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us. http://tfl.nu/woip
  Replies (11) Good night (519) Bad night (1279)
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.

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  (773): Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket. http://tfl.nu/bfmy
  Replies (22) Good night (3926) Bad night (593)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.

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  (513): This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping. http://tfl.nu/j81d
  Replies (5) Good night (3398) Bad night (820)
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  (416): View more from Toronto

  Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour

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  (416): Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour http://tfl.nu/t42p
  Replies (4) Good night (1955) Bad night (691)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.

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  (847): Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat. http://tfl.nu/qyw3
  Replies (8) Good night (2175) Bad night (535)
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am

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  (970): We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am http://tfl.nu/badm
  Replies (4) Good night (1657) Bad night (499)
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  (912): View more from Georgia

  It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school

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  (912): It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school http://tfl.nu/xr6r
  Replies (9) Good night (857) Bad night (1854)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."

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  (630): That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits." http://tfl.nu/sgvn
  Replies (5) Good night (992) Bad night (483)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.

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  (303): Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of. http://tfl.nu/nhk5
  Replies (2) Good night (970) Bad night (518)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?

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  (603): Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener? http://tfl.nu/3402
  Replies (3) Good night (1306) Bad night (421)
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  (206): View more from Washington

  Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed

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  (206): Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed http://tfl.nu/3k2a
  Replies (10) Good night (740) Bad night (431)
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  (574): View more from Indiana

  I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.

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  (574): I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night. http://tfl.nu/m1lp
  Replies (7) Good night (1281) Bad night (284)
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  (315): View more from New York

  Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?

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  (315): Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal? http://tfl.nu/b8jf
  Replies (16) Good night (1004) Bad night (349)
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  (206): View more from Washington

  I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.

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  (206): I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart. http://tfl.nu/h3lf
  Replies (4) Good night (962) Bad night (344)
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.

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  (832): Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard. http://tfl.nu/w1ic
  Replies (2) Good night (552) Bad night (248)

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