Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(806): View more from Texas

My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.

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(540): View more from Virginia

I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.

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(303): View more from Colorado

Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.

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(706): View more from Georgia

I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.

(1-706): View more from Georgia

Where the hell are you

(706): View more from Georgia

He's winning.

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23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
Read it at the TFLN blog
(650): View more from California

sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else

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(817): View more from Texas

one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."

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(909): View more from California

I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night

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(253): View more from Washington

A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.

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