Texts From Last Night

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  (313): View more from Michigan

  i only hope i can top last weeks sext session

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  (313): i only hope i can top last weeks sext session http://tfl.nu/3g0x
  Replies (1) Good night (2617) Bad night (1241)
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  (586): View more from Michigan

  I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now

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  (586): I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now http://tfl.nu/yx20
  Replies (1) Good night (1554) Bad night (621)
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.

  (970): View more from Colorado

  Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.

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  (970): Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin. (970): Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right. http://tfl.nu/uxeh
  Replies (18) Good night (1109) Bad night (1673)
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  (415): View more from California

  I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.

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  (415): I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys. http://tfl.nu/rxe7
  Replies (14) Good night (2467) Bad night (594)
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  (619): View more from California

  I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.

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  (619): I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face. http://tfl.nu/73xe
  Replies (24) Good night (2473) Bad night (784)
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  (516): View more from New York

  The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.

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  (516): The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right. http://tfl.nu/nc3r
  Replies (14) Good night (4161) Bad night (948)
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  (904): View more from Florida

  I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion

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  (904): I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion http://tfl.nu/iqkp
  Replies (3) Good night (910) Bad night (3142)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings

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  (519): You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings http://tfl.nu/jmrv
  Replies (2) Good night (1550) Bad night (2626)
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  (740): View more from Ohio

  He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.

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  (740): He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker. http://tfl.nu/ldq8
  Replies (18) Good night (3710) Bad night (1900)
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.

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  (720): I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else. http://tfl.nu/ss1v
  Replies (4) Good night (1146) Bad night (649)
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  (605): View more from South Dakota

  Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.

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  (605): Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me. http://tfl.nu/wtwx
  Replies (8) Good night (1267) Bad night (550)
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  (213): View more from California

  And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at

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  (213): And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at http://tfl.nu/rkdn
  Replies (5) Good night (1727) Bad night (501)
• Favorite

  (219): View more from Indiana

  Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.

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  (219): Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel. http://tfl.nu/qebb
  Replies (8) Good night (2170) Bad night (538)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.

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  (412): Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is. http://tfl.nu/yq5o
  Replies (7) Good night (1172) Bad night (481)
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth

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  (301): I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth http://tfl.nu/nt7d
  Replies (4) Good night (375) Bad night (298)

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